The Futility of Escaping One's Own Self

What do you want? The Voice said calmly.

I don't know, I responded. I am empty and confused.

Surely, you must want something, the Voice persisted.

Do you want to read a book?

Nah…

Do you want to eat something?

Really?... I responded, thinking about the Ozempic-induced mega-nausea, that I've learned to live with.

My intestines are on fire, and you want me to eat something?

OK, I got it, said the Voice chuckling. How about YouTube…?

No, I said. It's just external information that makes sense temporarily but no matter how many YouTube videos I watch, I feel that the unsatisfied void inside me grows larger. And the nagging feeling in the back of my head simply doesn't go away.

Well, you surely must want something. Everybody does.

NO, I said emphatically. Well, yes, but I don't know what it is.

The Voice chuckled and for a moment I thought I saw a laughing Buddha holding his belly.

Well, let me know when the penny drops and leave me be until then.

No, wait, I said impatiently.

So, you want somebody to talk to? The Voice was amused.

Not just anybody, I now want to talk to YOU more than ever.

Oh wow, and it took you months, years, decades to let me know? Thanks a lot man! I do appreciate your honesty! My inner Voice’s sarcasm was unmistaken.

Well, I thought I was talking to you all my life (lives), but I guess, we never talked about things that really matter.

Oh, OK. The Voice became interested. And what is it that you want to talk about?

I held my breath. Self-love…, perhaps? I said hesitantly.

I could imagine my inner Voice rubbing its hands - if it had any. Instantly, I remembered Tom Hanks rubbing his hands in "You've got mail", when Meg Ryan asked him to help her with a business problem she had.

OK, give it to me straight, the Voice said, mimicking Robert De Niro.

Well, my Self sure knows how to start a conversation, I thought.

So, I just said to my Self: you know, sometimes, I just want to hug somebody and tell them that I love them unconditionally. Not in a romantic sense, but as a human being. There's so much pain and suffering in the world. Some people become victims and other people are perpetrators. And, you know, both victims and perpetrators they just need love. They're acting out their inner need for love, you know…

Enough with the "you know" already… I do know, you don't have to remind me, the Voice said playfully. And what's that got to do with Self-love?

I chose my words carefully…: I was recently reminded by some wise people (humans and ETs), of the importance of self-love. I was told, that self-love is the foundation for how you love others, how you move through life, and how you find peace within yourself.

And…? The Voice held its breath.

Well, I said, how do I love my self, when the only thing I know is to love others unconditionally?

You know my boy, I've been waiting for you to ask me this question for thousands of years and during countless incarnations.

I looked up. Was my true Self using “you know” to tease me?

But… I just witnessed this question forming inside me, I tried to explain the obvious.

Yes, I know. And you have come close to asking me this question so many times, but you always hesitated, but this time the bull you're riding during these Great Changes managed to shake you so much that you're coming apart. AND IN THIS STATE OF BEING you can see your self and all parts of you that make you YOU - especially the ones you don’t like. Even when you love others unconditionally, this love cannot be complete, if it is not founded on self-love. It’s like the foundation of a house. If the foundation is not strong, the house will not be strong as well.

I swear, I'm going to kill that bull when all this is over, I thought, venting my frustration.

My Self laughed silently. Good luck with that! There is no bull, just like there is no spoon. YOU are the bull and the self and the Self and All That Is. You are just witnessing your own being from different perspectives. Read your books again - published or not. It's why I inspired you to write them.

I blinked surprised. I didn’t know where to focus. The “Matrix” reference or my books.

My Self continued: Consolidate your own being by calling all your parts home and become sovereign within your Self. You cannot escape your own self. It will keep bugging you until you embrace it.

Enough, I thought. Just because you know all cards from Lyssa's deck, doesn't mean you can actually explain something to me. This is a pseudo-argument, I said woefully.

That's because you still don't get it. Do not listen with the mind my boy, listen with the Heart. Feel, don't think. Feeling is the way to be from now on, for the mind will only suggest what to do not to feel. Right now, you are stuck, lacking strength and you feel weakened - unable to act, because you are unsure of what to do. Well, guess what…, that’s because there is no more doing. What do you think that means? It means that the time for your character to act is over. Your own self doesn't want to act anymore, because it doesn’t know what to do. What you need is to feel. Every evolutionary milestone that you reach from now on is within your Heart – not within your mind. Don't think and act anymore. It's now time to feel and be. It's time to put everything you've learned together and go truly, genuinely within. Yes, you have been doing that so far, but now I'm asking you to "be" not to "do". There is nothing more to do. Be your Self, be me, DO NOT BE YOUR CHARACTER.

Get it?

I remembered now. I am who I am and that is enough. A mega-observer immersed in unconditional love; I thought with a smile. NOT my character – my Self.

Good, my Self responded. But can you genuinely feel that? You did so in the past before any of this happened, just remember that feeling and replicate it.

And what about self-love?

You will become aware of it automagically when you accept your self with all your faults, weaknesses and glorious strengths. Just like strength comes from unity, so does self-love. Accept all that makes you YOU. Make the leap from being your character (self) to being your true Self inside your Heart. Pay attention to your feelings and call on your mind only when you need it. Jayzus, do I have to remind you word for word what I have told you in the past and you wrote in your first book? You did so from the perspective of your mind, so that you may use it in divine time in your Heart when you start being your true Self.

Aye sir, I responded smiling.

Oh, shut up, go "be" now and leave me be, my true Self said lovingly.