The Futility of Escaping One's Own Self

What do you want? The Voice said calmly.

I don't know, I responded. I am empty and confused.

Surely, you must want something, the Voice persisted.

Do you want to read a book?

Nah…

Do you want to eat something?

Really?... I responded, thinking about the Ozempic-induced mega-nausea, that I've learned to live with.

My intestines are on fire, and you want me to eat something?

OK, I got it, said the Voice chuckling. How about YouTube…?

No, I said. It's just external information that makes sense temporarily but no matter how many YouTube videos I watch, I feel that the unsatisfied void inside me grows larger. And the nagging feeling in the back of my head simply doesn't go away.

Well, you surely must want something. Everybody does.

NO, I said emphatically. Well, yes, but I don't know what it is.

The Voice chuckled and for a moment I thought I saw a laughing Buddha holding his belly.

Well, let me know when the penny drops and leave me be until then.

No, wait, I said impatiently.

So, you want somebody to talk to? The Voice was amused.

Not just anybody, I now want to talk to YOU more than ever.

Oh wow, and it took you months, years, decades to let me know? Thanks a lot man! I do appreciate your honesty! My inner Voice’s sarcasm was unmistaken.

Well, I thought I was talking to you all my life (lives), but I guess, we never talked about things that really matter.

Oh, OK. The Voice became interested. And what is it that you want to talk about?

I held my breath. Self-love…, perhaps? I said hesitantly.

I could imagine my inner Voice rubbing its hands - if it had any. Instantly, I remembered Tom Hanks rubbing his hands in "You've got mail", when Meg Ryan asked him to help her with a business problem she had.

OK, give it to me straight, the Voice said, mimicking Robert De Niro.

Well, my Self sure knows how to start a conversation, I thought.

So, I just said to my Self: you know, sometimes, I just want to hug somebody and tell them that I love them unconditionally. Not in a romantic sense, but as a human being. There's so much pain and suffering in the world. Some people become victims and other people are perpetrators. And, you know, both victims and perpetrators they just need love. They're acting out their inner need for love, you know…

Enough with the "you know" already… I do know, you don't have to remind me, the Voice said playfully. And what's that got to do with Self-love?

I chose my words carefully…: I was recently reminded by some wise people (humans and ETs), of the importance of self-love. I was told, that self-love is the foundation for how you love others, how you move through life, and how you find peace within yourself.

And…? The Voice held its breath.

Well, I said, how do I love my self, when the only thing I know is to love others unconditionally?

You know my boy, I've been waiting for you to ask me this question for thousands of years and during countless incarnations.

I looked up. Was my true Self using “you know” to tease me?

But… I just witnessed this question forming inside me, I tried to explain the obvious.

Yes, I know. And you have come close to asking me this question so many times, but you always hesitated, but this time the bull you're riding during these Great Changes managed to shake you so much that you're coming apart. AND IN THIS STATE OF BEING you can see your self and all parts of you that make you YOU - especially the ones you don’t like. Even when you love others unconditionally, this love cannot be complete, if it is not founded on self-love. It’s like the foundation of a house. If the foundation is not strong, the house will not be strong as well.

I swear, I'm going to kill that bull when all this is over, I thought, venting my frustration.

My Self laughed silently. Good luck with that! There is no bull, just like there is no spoon. YOU are the bull and the self and the Self and All That Is. You are just witnessing your own being from different perspectives. Read your books again - published or not. It's why I inspired you to write them.

I blinked surprised. I didn’t know where to focus. The “Matrix” reference or my books.

My Self continued: Consolidate your own being by calling all your parts home and become sovereign within your Self. You cannot escape your own self. It will keep bugging you until you embrace it.

Enough, I thought. Just because you know all cards from Lyssa's deck, doesn't mean you can actually explain something to me. This is a pseudo-argument, I said woefully.

That's because you still don't get it. Do not listen with the mind my boy, listen with the Heart. Feel, don't think. Feeling is the way to be from now on, for the mind will only suggest what to do not to feel. Right now, you are stuck, lacking strength and you feel weakened - unable to act, because you are unsure of what to do. Well, guess what…, that’s because there is no more doing. What do you think that means? It means that the time for your character to act is over. Your own self doesn't want to act anymore, because it doesn’t know what to do. What you need is to feel. Every evolutionary milestone that you reach from now on is within your Heart – not within your mind. Don't think and act anymore. It's now time to feel and be. It's time to put everything you've learned together and go truly, genuinely within. Yes, you have been doing that so far, but now I'm asking you to "be" not to "do". There is nothing more to do. Be your Self, be me, DO NOT BE YOUR CHARACTER.

Get it?

I remembered now. I am who I am and that is enough. A mega-observer immersed in unconditional love; I thought with a smile. NOT my character – my Self.

Good, my Self responded. But can you genuinely feel that? You did so in the past before any of this happened, just remember that feeling and replicate it.

And what about self-love?

You will become aware of it automagically when you accept your self with all your faults, weaknesses and glorious strengths. Just like strength comes from unity, so does self-love. Accept all that makes you YOU. Make the leap from being your character (self) to being your true Self inside your Heart. Pay attention to your feelings and call on your mind only when you need it. Jayzus, do I have to remind you word for word what I have told you in the past and you wrote in your first book? You did so from the perspective of your mind, so that you may use it in divine time in your Heart when you start being your true Self.

Aye sir, I responded smiling.

Oh, shut up, go "be" now and leave me be, my true Self said lovingly.

Humans on Earth - Ernesto and Yolanda

This is a short story included in my first book “Visions of a Future Earth… and how to realize them” - which you can learn more about here.

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Ernesto looked up from the book he was reading and glanced at Yolanda. She gazed at him with a smile.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing. I was just remembering how we met.”

Sudden, sad memories surfaced for Ernesto, and he looked away with a frown. He hadn’t said anything, but she sensed what he was feeling. She came closer and hugged him. “Why are you bringing this up?” Ernesto’s voice was hoarse and full of emotion. “Tell me that I’ve done what I could, that I’ve atoned for my sins after all these years.” He looked at Yolanda with true sadness.

Ernesto’s total transformation from a cold-hearted man in service to self to a humble and loving human being in service to others still surprised her. “Yes, my love, you have done well. I believe in you and love you for all your changes, big and small. I only wanted to reminisce about how we met.”

It was clear to Yolanda that Ernesto still struggled with his past and that he might need more time to heal. It had been easier for her to move beyond that negative period of their lives.

Tears of love and gratitude ran down Ernesto’s cheeks. He welcomed her unconditional love. Ever since he’d decided to turn his life around, she’d stood by him, nurturing and reassuring him so that he could get over his raw past. His new path was rewarding but difficult, and he could not let go of the thought that the unspeakable evil he’d been immersed in for many years demanded a lifetime of restitution.

“Remember why you are doing this.” Yolanda held his hand lovingly. “Remember that you are not punishing yourself or paying for your crimes. Rather, you saw the error of your ways and have chosen to correct them. You have my everlasting love.”

Ernesto had been enjoying reading his book and now he was immersed in wrenching memories of the past. This was a strong indication that the blemish on his soul continued to evoke powerful emotions. He glanced at the electronic monitor tugging heavily on his ankle, reminding him of the heavy burden weighing on his conscience. In an emotional haze, Ernesto chose to remember, as he knew it might help him continue his healing process.

He never knew his father. His mother raised him lovingly and managed to create a positive environment for him even amid frequent gang violence. When he was sixteen, she was accused of aiding a rival gang and executed in front of his eyes. That day, he broke into thousands of sharp pieces that deeply wounded his young and barely formed personality.

Ernesto buried all feelings of love deep inside. Fuelled by unstoppable rage driven partly by adolescence, he began a killing spree to avenge his mother, starting with the gang member who’d shot her. He joined the rival gang that his mother was suspected of aiding. He climbed the ranks until he took control of that criminal organization, exhibiting unequalled degrees of cunning and malice. He was the embodiment of terror.

He began his criminal career as a drug lord and then expanded his business activities to include prostitution, child slavery and trafficking. Yolanda was one of his “employees.” She later told him that every day and night, she tried to nurture and support the children being used and abused along with herself. Yolanda tried three times to end her life, but her keepers saved her in what must have been a harsh reflection of a reality with no escape.

One day, Ernesto decided to collect the money from that side of his business himself rather than leave it to one of his crew. He was curious about how the enterprise was proceeding. Accustomed to human anguish, he would not waste more thoughts than necessary on the people involved. But unknown to him at the time, Spirit had set the stage for a synchronistic meeting.

He saw Yolanda in the corner of the small, dingy room, and their eyes met. A sensation welled up within him, that he hadn’t felt since his childhood in the “Cinturón de Miséria”. He didn’t recognize love, at first, because he’d isolated his Heart for decades.

He had forgotten how to love. His dealings with women were those of a man in a position of absolute power, and he never allowed himself to have feelings for them. In his broken state, he didn’t recognize love for what it was and assumed he was becoming soft.

Eventually, after several respectful meetings, he could not deny his love for Yolanda, nor could he rip the love out of his Heart once it was there. He could only surrender to the feeling. The same applied to Yolanda. Even though she was his victim and felt intense anger toward him at first, she gradually yielded to the power of love, because she understood they were twin flames.

They’d incarnated knowing the immense grief and pain they would have to endure, but they did it out of love for each other and for all human beings. They were literally following the scripts they’d written before incarnation. She saw the beauty in both their souls.

Over the following weeks, Ernesto discontinued that part of his business, justifying his decision with the excuse that it was too risky. The world — especially US law enforcement — was becoming increasingly aware of human trafficking.

Yolanda brought so much love into Ernesto’s life. The deeper he sank into darkness, the higher he was catapulted into the light when the conditions were right. He carefully began restructuring his business to legitimate enterprises and witnessed his life change from negative to positive. He felt reborn. From a wild animal in survival mode, he progressively became more enlightened as he learned more about himself. He created an organization to help abused children across the world, supported by the vast resources generated by his legitimate business activities.

It was a time of peace and a time of love; a time of purpose and a time of restitution – until it all came to a grinding halt. His previous business affairs were discovered during a routine tax investigation. He was arrested by the FBI and tried by the International Criminal Court. Subsequently, he was convicted for drug-related offences as well as for child slavery and trafficking and sentenced to life in prison. Spurred partly by society’s valiant attempt toward enlightenment by forgiving past transgressions, his sentence was eventually commuted to house arrest. His assets were not confiscated due to how the money assisted thousands of children harmed by that despicable practice. He was making amends in a substantial way.

As these raw and dark memories flooded through him, Yolanda pulled him into a hug. They wept in each other’s arms.

After a while, Yolanda held his face in her hands and looked into his eyes. “Forgive me for bringing up those dark memories. I am in such awe of the infinite love the universe held for us until we were ready for it. I only meant to remind you that love always finds a way.”

A hint of a smile appeared on Ernesto’s tear-streaked face. “I love you,” he whispered. He held her again, and that was enough.

In a final, deliberate act of surrendering the last remnants of ego-based resistance within him, he yielded completely to the infinite love of the universe flowing through Yolanda, melting away in in her safe embrace. Instead of thinking, he grokked with a sigh:

Love always finds a way.

Humans on Earth - Bobbie

This is a short story included in my first book “Visions of a Future Earth… and how to realize them” - which you can learn more about here.

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Bobbie looked up from her glass data screen and gazed through the transparent dome of the small marine-research station. The sea bottom looked alien, but this was her work environment. As a marine biologist, she studied deep-sea creatures, such as the eels and swarms of bloodybelly comb jellyfish she’d observed yesterday.

For a while, she marvelled at the breathtaking bioluminescence exhibited by the plants and creatures here at the bottom of the sea. The Mariana trench was literally alive, and the versatility of life was a sight to behold, with purples, blues, reds, and dashes of oranges and yellows. The undersea creatures resembled beings from another planet, yet they’d evolved on Earth over millions of years. She enjoyed her work immensely.

Her phone chimed. She picked up the call and transferred it to the terminal in front of her.

Her adult son’s smiling face appeared in midair. “Mother, are you coming?”

“Yes, my love. Just a little more cataloguing to do.”

“How much longer? We all want to see you. Louise is here from Tycho City, Josh has come from his research outpost in Antarctica, Trevor took a leave of absence from his Ranger post on the Galileo, your nieces Laura and Rachel—”

Bobbie interrupted her son with a sigh of loving understanding. “All right. I’m coming now.”

His face brightened. “See you soon. We love you.”

“I love you too.”

It was time to go home. She’d only done three hours of work today instead of her usual four, but her obligations to herself and her family were equally important. Today was her birthday. She was 99 years young. Her family was expecting her so they could celebrate.

She stood and looked around to see if she might be missing anything before she left. Ah, yes, she’d nearly forgotten.

“David, would you please keep an eye out for the bloodybelly comb jelly swarm? They might come back. You have their bioenergy markers on file. Please send me an info-burst if this happens while I’m away.”

“Of course,” David responded with an impeccable British accent. When given the option, he’d chosen his name in honour of a famous British naturalist who’d spent a lifetime of research in service to the planet. “You know I’m interested in them too. And if I may say so, you keep very well for your 99 years.”

“Thank you, David, that’s awfully nice of you to say!” Bobbie responded smiling, mimicking the same accent. They were working together for many years now and their bond of friendship was as real as it got.

Bobbie prepared to enter through the trans-portal, saying: “Destination—” She’d been about to say “home,” but caught herself. She called a few places “home,” including this station at the bottom of the ocean. She continued, “— my home in Fountain Hills.” The trans-portal knew that Fountain Hills was located near Phoenix, Arizona, North American planetary province, and it set up the transfer.

She stepped through the swirling vortex, and with a swift, whooshing sound, she disappeared from the research station.

David realized that Bobbie had left, and he turned off the internal lighting as well as the human work console. The arc of the curved wall not transparent to the ocean slowly dimmed and went dark as the illumination softly faded. The surreal but immensely beautiful lights generated by ocean life brightened the interior of the research station with waves of ethereal, dreamlike light. An artificial intelligence was left to monitor ocean life alone, utilizing the methodical thoroughness of a computer but complemented with the appreciation that only comes from genuine, heartfelt emotion.

Humans on Earth - Sean and Ciara

This is a short story included in my first book “Visions of a Future Earth… and how to realize them” - which you can learn more about here.

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An almost imperceptible vibration brought Sean out of his sleep cycle. He opened his eyes, recognizing the wake-up call from his house AI. He sat up in bed and looked down at his partner, Ciara, still sleeping beside him. With a loving smile, he felt his immense unconditional love for her as well as for every being on the planet and beyond.

He got up. It was early dawn, and morning light crowned the forest behind the house in an orange glow. He liked looking through this transparent wall, which is how he instructed the house AI to keep it. Today was a big day. He’d been overseeing Project Blooming Garden for twelve years now, after it was approved by Earth’s Planetary Council. His large group of geneticists and engineers — planetary ecosystems, agricultural, environmental — were putting the final touches on the project of turning the Sahara Desert into a Garden of Eden.

It had taken some time to build the dozens of small, automated fusion-powered desalination plants along the African coast of the Mediterranean Sea, which had recently been upgraded to use quantum power nodes. Were it not for robotic assistance, many people would have likely died or been injured completing this project, and it would have taken decades to complete.

Two years into the project, there was enough fresh water available to drown the desert and make it fertile. Over time, small, irrigated patches of limited plant life on the Mediterranean coast have become large forests, with savanna-type landscapes growing farther inland. Small areas of land were set aside and developed as agricultural farmland with robotic workforces. These weren’t necessary for food, since the use of replicator technology allowed for abundant and healthy sustenance for everyone, but they would serve as research sites to produce more nutrient-dense crops.

Various animals had moved north from the rest of Africa, expanding to this new living space, and more would follow. After the once separated and mostly poor countries of Africa came together and invested heavily in the idea of the African Union, no effort was spared to heal the African continent and serve humanity in the process.

The value and accomplishment of Project Blooming Garden was not just in the enormous feat of planetary engineering, but in the sustained bonds of the people from all over the planet who worked diligently toward this common goal. This was but one of many environmental initiatives aimed at healing and improving the original human habitat: planet Earth.

Today, they would be participating in a meeting to explore what species of animals to introduce into the new ecosystem of the Sahara to save them from extinction. The delicate new ecosystem had to be refined and immaculately balanced so that it would not interfere with other Earth ecosystems. Nature would eventually take over, but caution was necessary to soften the effects of ecological rebalancing with adjacent regions. Some species would be reanimated from the gene banks where they were preserved many years ago when climate change threatened to destroy Earth's once-robust ecosystems. Other animals would be used to populate the former Gobi Desert and barren lands previously known as the Middle East. Those regions had been transformed earlier, due to the smaller engineering challenges involved. The Global Seed Vault in Svalbard, Norway, was key to this endeavour. It had been expanded and upgraded over the years to become the Global Seed and Gene Vault, safeguarding also genetic samples of animals on the verge of extinction.

Sean walked into the shower and let the alternating hot and cold water invigorate him. When finished, he used the shower’s water-repelling function to dry his skin. He stepped into his shoes and felt a soft pressure around his feet as the intelligent mechanism of the shoes recognized him. He watched for a few seconds as the nanomaterial of the shoes expanded upwards along his legs, covering his legs, and then his torso and arms in the process, thus becoming his work suit. He looked at his breast insignia of Environmental Engineer First Class and Chief Coordinator of Project Blooming Garden, in service with United Earth’s Planetary Council. The biomimetic nanomaterial hugged his skin and would regulate his body temperature.

Sean went back to the bedroom and, with a tender smile, sat on the bed beside his sleeping beauty. He lovingly touched her cheek. "Wakey, wakey, love. Those animals won’t miraculously appear in the Sahara if we don’t put them there.”

Ciara opened her eyes. With a smile he continued: “My love, we need to hit the trans-portal in half an hour. Did you forget that we work in the Sahara region and not in County Donegal?" Ciara returned his smile. She was one of the geneticists/biologists entrusted with reanimating the animals they intended to introduce into the now lush green hills and plains of the Sahara. "Mm, good morning,” she murmured sleepily. “Have I told you how much I love you?"

Sean laughed out loud. “You can tell me later. We need to hit the trans-portal in half an hour.”

She sat up in bed, motivated to Heart-induced action by her exciting work. It was a good day to be alive and in service to humanity.

Humans on Earth - Samantha

This is a short story included in my first book “Visions of a Future Earth… and how to realize them” - which you can learn more about here.

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Samantha was tired, but that feeling in no way kept her from being blissed out, seeing her great-grandchildren again. Twins Neya and Inara had recently celebrated their fifteenth birthdays and announced their decisions to join the Rangers.

It was late afternoon, and they sat in Samantha’s garden pavilion on a beautiful mid-summer day. With a smile, she said to the twins, “What is it with you youngsters today? You all want to join the Rangers and leave Earth. I’m so happy that you each recognized and are honouring your Heart’s calling, but I feel that leaving Earth might deny you of the joys and wisdom that come from being close to nature and your planet. Not to mention, I will miss you dearly.”

“Oh, Granny,” Neya said. “We won’t be far.”

Samantha sighed. “Neya, how many times have I asked you to call me Sam? I’m only 112 years old and still have a lot to offer to society.”

“Fine, Sam.” Neya smiled. It was so easy to bring the older generations out of balance. Their compartmentalized consciousness was only recently integrated, and they still had lingering ego issues. Their vessels were slowly evolving, helped along with genetic boosts from DNA micronutrients. Anyway, Sam was born in 3D before the Great Changes and is still adapting to living in 4D, Neya thought with compassion.

“We won’t be leaving the planet right away,” Inara said to Sam. “And remember that many Rangers are stationed on Earth or in the solar system performing important research.”

“Right,” Neya said. “We’ll spend a few years on the planet transferring from one Ranger station to another, studying Earth’s ecosystems and environmental cycles in depth. As you know, the carbon-cycle is not the only major environmental cycle. There’s also the nitrogen cycle, the phosphorus cycle, and the water cycle….”

“Okay, okay,” Samantha responded with a smile. “You seem to know what you’re talking about.”

Inara scooted excitedly to the edge of her seat. “Our recent research into the energetic planetary cycles has provided so much insight in planetary ecosystem engineering, that we now understand how they progress and how we can use this process for other applications.”

Neya, her eyes bright, added, “Schumann generators creating natural planetary resonances are only the bare minimum that we need on spacecraft for long-term exploratory missions. The new Explorer spacecraft expand that concept with ecosystem cores blended into their internal environments. Humans need that to feel at home, as if they’re on Earth.”

Samantha laughed. The twins were in their “zones.” So much knowledge and maturity for people so young. “All right, smarty pants,” she said. “Why are you sharing all this information? Let’s cut to the chase.”

“Simple,” Inara responded. “We want you to understand that being Rangers is not about being on Earth or in space. It’s about being responsible galactic citizens and answering our callings to serve humanity and interact with ETs as ambassadors. To do that, we must study and understand Mother Earth and the living, genetic libraries of our home planet. She must never be abused again.” Inara’s eyes teared up as she contemplated the calling of her Heart and her sacred duty to Earth and humanity. She glanced at Neya, whose eyes were also filling with tears.

Samantha hugged them both. She loved them so much, and now she truly understood their passion and calling. With an open smile, she wiped away her own tears. Oh, how she wished she could join them wherever they were going, but with her older genetics, she couldn’t easily keep up. All professions were open to all humans after the Great Changes, but it was not appropriate for everyone to do what they thought they wanted. Neya and Inara had gone through an elaborate educational process to reach their conclusions based not on what they thought but on what they felt they wanted to do.

Samantha remembered her youth and the educational system she grew up in and shrugged. Comparing the two systems was simply not possible, due to the different educational approaches. Today, there was no one-size-fits-all approach, and for good reason.

They hugged for a long time, melting into each other’s arms in a vibrational symphony of unconditional love. Neya was the first to break the connection, as usual. Her inner drive was relentless and her calling evident.

“Sam, we love you so much,” she said, “and we also love all other beings and our ET friends. We promise we’ll see you soon and tell you stories of what we’ve seen and learned.” Inara nodded in agreement, both of them smiling.

Samantha had a surprising thought. Her great-grandchildren always had smiles on their faces, no matter how small. Bittersweet, almost forgotten memories of her past resurfaced, of her personal and professional struggles before the Great Changes. Suddenly, Neya and Inara hugged her again. She could feel their heart-energy centres expand with a very pleasant warm and fuzzy feeling. In a flash of realization (curse her old genetics for the delay in recognition), Samantha grokked that Neya and Inara must have sensed her discomfort and hugged her without thinking. They expanded their heart centres to comfort her in a tangible way with unconditional love.

Samantha was near to tears again, feeling the pure, unconditional love that came from her great-grandchildren. They were already more than she ever was, even with frequent meditation and the application of unconditional love in her life. Samantha was content, though, as she remembered something precious someone had told her during the Great Changes: “You exist. You are unique. The universe does not make mistakes. You are a necessary part of the whole and have something of value to offer.” Yes, she was content, and she had been for many years now.

Samantha noticed the pleasant scents of lilac mixed with lavender from her garden. It was a perfect moment in time. There was nothing more to say. They all focused on their feelings and marvelled together at how beautiful life is. By now, the sun had set, and stars dotted the sky. Neya and Inara sensed that Sam was feeling better. They stood, hugged her again, and walked to the shuttle in the backyard of the house. It was a three-seat, disc-shaped craft used primarily by the younger generation for commuting on Earth. Tomorrow, they were expected at the Ranger station in São Paulo where they would participate in the expansion of the rainforest and earn study credits toward their combined environmental and planetary ecosystems engineering degrees.

They are following their Hearts, Samantha thought as she watched them enter the craft. The craft came alive with a low hum, and without warning, it shot up into the night sky and vanished in a heartbeat.

“Show-offs,” Samantha whispered, smiling with a Heart still full with love. “Neya must be driving again.” Still smiling, she walked slowly back toward the house to rest. Before entering, she couldn’t help but look once more into the starry night sky that had recently become a joyful playground for humanity.